Two mindsets exist as a paradigm shift within the same mental walls of each other, yet one seems to become more silenced as the other exerts dominion over the immediate awareness of the atmospheric surroundings.
To watch a friend die, sparks the most interesting thoughts of the perception of one’s own life… What am I really? Who is at the core of who I am? How distorted is my broad outlook on what the universe really is and just exactly what part do I play in it? How self centered and unnecessarily controlled by this 3rd dimension am I and what undesirable impulses take over what could be a perfectly centered entity?
Selfishness, hypocrisy, dominance, ego, and the list goes on. What am I if the temporal world becomes powerless to sway my destination?
There have been times in my life where my journey to become that perfect well centered guru that seems to have the wisdom of Yoda, finds that the path to the top of the mountain becomes saturated with enough moisture to cause the sure footing to give way as the mudslide of challenge awakens and unfolds a new reality.
There is a pendulum that swings throughout life as we journey through time. Imagine yourself clinging to that pendulum as it swings and at the same time it is traveling through time ever moving forward… and still, it also continues to swing to the left and to the right. As it swings to the left the extreme stretch of that pendulum buries itself deep into darkness and for a moment pauses in the depths of the lack of light before it reverses it’s path to return to the center and beyond. One could say that the journey would be less sickening if only the pendulum would come to rest calmly in the center but you find that to hold the center becomes an impossibility as the pendulum continues it’s sweep toward the extreme right and plunges deep into the brilliant light.
The extreme motions of going from left to right, dark to light have a way of presenting a disturbing reality, one that fosters inside of your thoughts, the desire to gain complete control over the predictable motions. Those motions have quite the effect on the psyche. The questions begin to run deep for those who ponder this chaotic journey.
As time burns on, we find ourselves on one side of the pendulum or the other. Emotionally we could describe it as existing on two separate extremes. The right or the light side of the pendulum swing, evoking joy, elation, happiness, a sense of well being, peace, abundance, satisfaction, fulfillment and so the list could continue for much longer than this page would desire to be filled. Then we have the opposite swing into the left or the darkness where emotional torment can exist… pain, despair, loneliness, scarcity, depression, a sense of emptiness, hunger, hatred and as well this list could become bigger than is needed for the point.
The swing continues into the other avenues of our lives… Spirituality, where one side can create amazingly well defined clarity and the opposite side, complete confusion and worthlessness. The energy continues to spill over into our physical existence in the form of prosperity in temporal THINGS, WEALTH, or POVERTY and even homelessness.
There was a time when I had been served by an old fashioned doctor… He was filled with kindness and compassion and was always there when my physical needs required him. He reminded me of the kind of old doctor you might see in the happy western movies where an invitation to dinner was payment enough for services rendered. He had no children of his own and over time I came to view him as sort of a grandfather figure and I guess possibly from his point of view I could have filled the shoes of a surrogate grandchild. I grew to love this man and all that he stood for.
The inevitable time came when he had reached the end of his days and was soon to pass away. I remembered how beautiful his home was, his grand piano, his sound system, his cars… So many things did he have that were exquisite and oh so desirable. I found my pendulum swinging drastically to the left and into the darkness of coveting. The thought went through my mind… “You were like a grandson to him, he has no other family and you seem so qualified to inherit his possessions.” To this day I look back on those thoughts with an almost horror to think they were a part of my thinking. For all this man did for me and for that great service I received from him and I wanted more? This indeed was a thought that I classified as dark and to the left… unlike what I truly wanted to be like. I never received anything of his worldly possessions at his passing and to this day I am so thankful I did not. The emotional burden of having a dark thought such as that would have been confirmed by that actual possessions that would from that point on follow me.
Many years passed and I found myself on the older side of life, no longer a child and with the memories of such a good man and the memories of my own selfish desires not collecting dust in the papers of my mind, I felt that lesson was one of a learning nature which may have taught me a principle of giving versus taking. I found myself over time in many situations where I gave of my time and energies to help others in need. I had learned to be kind and to be concerned for others and felt that I had somehow arrived on the right side of the swinging pendulum where light and clarity was in abundance.
I had heard of a person at the time who was in need of several things that I knew I was qualified to assist with, and so I found myself becoming a volunteer in the service of this needy person. There were many times when this person would call out to me and I would come to his side and offer help and consoling. I had learned to look out for the neglected one that seemed to be neglected by others. I had found that through my own experiences of being left out of social circles, that I would work even harder to include those that seemed on the outside.
My pendulum did not rest however in one position and as all pendulums in their active state are in a flux of motion, the pendulum I was riding through life was no different. I found myself complaining as the calls for my assistance grew more frequent. Though I showed up with a smile, my heart was increasingly resenting the drain on my personal time and yet I knew if I did not help, that there was no one else who would, and so I would do what had to be done. This man considered me to be his friend and I too had feelings of friendship. I did however, wish that there were others willing to be of service to him other than myself.
A critical time came in my friends life where he found himself hospitalized for a heart attack and on top of that he had complications from other diseases that had rendered him almost helpless. I did what he needed doing while he had his stay in the hospital. He was preparing to move to another place when this unexpected health issue came upon him. He requested that I move all of his possessions to a different location as the timing of his departure and the rent due were coming to a conclusion. My kind wife took upon herself the entire task of moving his things to my place as I did not have the time at that critical juncture. Soon I had a room filled with everything this man possessed, awaiting his release and we were going to have it all shipped to his new location.
In 3 days I received word that his recovery which was looking so well, had taken a turn and that he was not expected to live. His wife would be coming to my place to take care of his possessions and any other affair.
After so many years, I found my pendulum swinging again. It was swinging back to that same place it did when my dear doctor friend passed away.
I was looking now at my friends possessions and wondering to myself… “With all that I have done to assist this friend of my and all of the fun little things that he possessed, maybe I was entitled to have some of the things after he was gone.” This thought immediately haunted me and I found myself, judging myself. Not again… Why am I feeling these feelings? I wondered to myself… How selfish and concerned I was with “THINGS” versus my friend who was soon to leave this world. I struggled with so many thoughts that went through my mind as it was confusing to feel coveting and sadness and service and concern and greed all at the same time.
The swinging of the pendulum has a way of creating as you might say, a loop, a re-invitation, a mirror to the past events and challenges. I have found over the years that when I feel I have reached a plateau and become comfortable with who I think I am, the rains come again and the water washes away the stable path leaving in it’s wake a slippery footing which can lead to the sliding down of a muddy trail. What is left in such an event is the overwhelming feeling that what you think you have achieved or conquered in the past, was nothing more than a mere illusion.
My friend did indeed pass away and his wife came to see me. I had placed everything into categories so as to better help her understand each and every possession he had. I had put considerable time into making it as easy for her to understand and decide what to do with his THINGS, that I had quite a sense of accomplishment in what I had done to be of assistance. There was however, that nagging darkness of the pendulum that had taken me to the left side and I found myself hoping for her decisions to take only the most important things to her and leave the rest for me.
I had seriously pondered these thoughts I was having and worked deeply to try and resolve the two extreme sides I was experiencing… Service and giving to her and yet greed to me. My friend was not very wealthy, in fact, quite poor and that which he had possessed was in truth not very much. Guilt became my friend for even thinking in any degree of greed for that which was left behind.
The challenge in life however at this very moment was something which was a blessing to me in disguise. I had revisited greed, envy and coveting once again but now I was older and filled with many more questions and a deeper desire to understand why I was not yet immune to such feelings.
Time has a way of helping us look at the very same thing differently, given the passing chronographically etched energy that we are gifted with throughout our life. The same lesson can be presented to us time and time again and each experience can serve to teach a completely new lesson or enhance the lessons already ingested.
This time around for me, a lesson has emerged and is still coming forth out of inspiration and contemplation.
We are human. We serve and in turn find true joy. When we take only… and in so doing, find emptiness. Though one might say that this temporal world is a distraction to a higher plane of existence, a hindrance to ascending spirituality, a smoke screen to what really matters, it is not that ease of a call to make.
I watched my friend who has now since passed away become trapped into the cycle of acquiring THINGS. There came a point in his life, that all that mattered most, was acquiring THINGS and finding joy in having energy come his way. As I step back and observe what his path was doing to him, I learned from watching, just how empty clinging to the temporal world can be. Though I have had my share of lessons and personal experiences with which to confirm this simple statement… “Clinging to the Temporal World” and how destructive it can become in the long run, the re-visitation of lessons, time offers as a gift, is divine.
There is balance in the pendulum and it is an essential part of become more than what we are. We may wish to complain over the event of swinging to the dark side no matter how deep that darkness may go. We may wish to continually exist in the light however bright we can withstand. We will however, never become strong and developed in TRUE WISDOM if we only harbor on one side of the ocean. This journey is a constant swing from evil to goodness, light to dark and the war is not only raging around us but within us. The immense experience of extreme spiritual, emotional, mental and physical energy is an amazing gift spread out on the table of life serving to bring out the best and the worst in all of us.
We could stand on the sidelines of the game yelling clues, tips, pointers and advice of how to make it through life and it all may sound and be the best information possible to create the perfect result and enhancement to life…
But…
Until we are drenched in the storm of life and ride the pendulum to it’s extremes, we will never truly understand what real wisdom is, until we are able to fully understand the darkest and lightest experiences of this life. It is through this process that we will come to understand how to get the pendulum to finally rest, balanced in the center.
We can easily say from the sidelines that this temporal world is the problem… or… we can say that too much spirituality is either the best or the worst thing to balance…
But…
Until we have a complete immersing into the energy of all that is before us, true wisdom is only an idea, a concept, a principle to be desired.
Clinging to the Temporal World is only one side of the equation. Clinging to the Spiritual World is only another side of the equation. The equation is multifaceted and multi sided. Until we come to a complete pause and find that we need neither spirituality nor temporal essence and at the same time we need both, will the true center of what and who we are elude us.
It is this brilliant gift of time and extreme opposites that is shaping the very image of perfection we will one day become. Until then enjoy every moment this journey places into your hands, be it good or evil. Know that serving others will become the final position where joy resides. THINGS are only there to shine the light on what really lasts forever.