As a missionary, I went antsiest completely. I was ready to leave the mission. One day I got sick. My companion left me alone to go with district leaders.
With silence in the room and plenty of time on my hands, the scripture in James came to my mind. I wasn’t looking for this thought but it came.
If any man lacks wisdom let him ask God.
I remembered Joseph had that scripture in his time of need.
I thought, why not? God doesn’t exist so this will be the perfect test to solidify my opinion. There will be no answer and proof that God is not there.
I knelt and began speaking out loud.
I knew I was only speaking to the air around me and that there was no one to receive my please of proof that God existed.
After 20 minutes of pure proof that there was no God due to no answer, I was about to give up with a resolve of my belief.
A strong thought came to me. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering.
I knew of Yoga and the ability to clear all opinionated thoughts from my mind during meditation. This was the only reference I had to faith nothing wavering. If I cleared my mind of no belief in God or a belief in God and simply became neutral in thought before resuming my prayer, that would be the safest way to find the perfect approach to my doubt.
I resumed praying in the same manner but with a different mindset.
30 minutes of deep sincere pleas.
Something amazing happens when you are clear minded with no bias towards or against God.
I cannot explain how God through the Holy Ghost communicates because it is beyond words to attempt a description.
Know this, every sense of my soul was triggered. Sight, smell, touch, hearing, taste, and a sense I have no words to explain.
I felt arms from behind me as though a loving father had just embraced me. I, through spiritual eyes had light around me. A voice that came from inside my head and not through my ears spoke to me.
“I am as real as you are. I love you more than you will ever know. I have always loved you. I have never left you alone and I never will.”
My whole heart and soul was overwhelmed with this power so as to feel like I was about to explode with kindness and love and a feeling indescribable.
I knew with no doubt God was real and that he was with me at that very moment.
I was so excited to be in the faith filled presence of my Father that I had to ask him the 5 questions I had always had.
1. Is it possible I was created from nothing? Is it possible to return to a state of nothing?
2. How do you know what is happening everywhere all the time?
3. Who started existence and how did it begin?
4. How can you love everyone and how does true love feel?
5. What is the final destination you have in store for us.
I immediately received an answer. It went something like this.
“For now you have received the most important answer to your prayers. The rest of you questions, I will answer but in my own time when you are ready to receive them.”
I did receive an answer to every question I had asked but they came when I least expected them to and they came in powerful detail.
My entire life had been changed by direct contact with my Father In Heaven. By his power and my willingness to place myself in a state of faith, nothing wavering, I have been rescued and the coarse of my entire life has been change.
God is so full of love and so willing to enfold us with it, if we come before him in faith, NOTHING wavering.
Part 1
Part 2
My entire outlook on life was drastically changed. I know that God is always with me no matter what happens in my life. I talk to him multiple times daily. I am totally aware that he has designed my life so that I may get the absolute most of it.
At the time of the experience, I was basically blown away that God could take time to connect with me. It was humbling, especially after he started answering my questions. The answers were so profound and powerful that once he had finished delivering every answer I had asked for, I saw life completely different.
I remember Moses stating that he now knew he was nothing in comparison to God. This did not mean God loved him less but the exponential respect for God was driven so high that nothing could ever compare.
I live as a flawed human but I now understand and receive clear communication from God through the same method I did then. I know clearly how the Holy Ghost communicates with me and when it does, I cannot pretend I do not receive.
I live my life now more as a partnership with God than just a grain of the many sands of the ocean floor. Though it is easy for me to say, I am just one of billions and not so important… That is mortality speaking in an attempt to invalidate who we truly are spiritually. It is an easy opinion of self to fall into but on closer inspection, it is impossible to not be loved immensely by Father.
I still have the veil and yet, a much deeper understanding of what life is really all about. That alone comforts my journey through this uncertain path of life.
[whohit]Atheist[/whohit]